Wayne's Advice To Parents
1) To you who are pregnant I say, Wow. You are soon to bring a new unique human being into the world. What an awesome responsibility and privilege. I encourage you to see a Medical Doctor regularly. Take the supplements he or she recommends. Refrane from alcohol, illegal drugs, and tobacco. Take one or more tablespoons of coconut oil daily for your and the baby's immune system. Seek advice from mature Christians you respect, about questions you may have.
2) I believe your baby starts learning while they are in the womb. So pray for them. Read and sing to them. Listen to Christian and classical music like Mozart and Bethoven not Rock or music with lots of base.
3) Never shake your baby. Their brains are very small and fragile. One shake can cause them death or severe brain damage. Crying is the only way babies can communicate with you. They may be wet, uncomfortable, sick, hurt, or even lonely. They many want to be fed, or held and rocked or they may need their diaper changed, Ask for advice and or help if you feel you need it.
4) What about SIDS. SIDS is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Apparently there is less SIDS if the baby sleeps face up and it may also help if the mattress is slightly elevated. Years ago I read that mattresses were treated with a fire retardant chemical. A certain bacteria sometimes fed off that chemical and then produced a heavy gas. It seems that gas can displace oxygen. The author of the article besides the above recommendations also recommended covering the top and sides of the infant's mattress with a thick plastic sheet but not the bottom of the mattress. The plastic sheet would of course be covered by regular sheets. The bottom of the mattress would not be covered by the thick plastic sheet so the heavy poisonous gas produced by the bacteria could escape.
5) Don't try to be the perfect parent just try to be a good parent or even a better parent. You won't be perfect as a parent, no one is. If you need help or advice ask for it. Pray often. Read and try to educate yourself often as you go along. Parenting is probably the hardest job there is.
6) What about spanking? The world has changed a lot since I was raised. I read about one country where spanking is viewed as a form of child abuse. It is deeply frowned upon, if not illegal in a lot of places. I much prefer alternative forms of discipline to corpal punishment. I think teens are too old to be spanked. I think normally spanking or a quick slap on the butt or thigh should be reserved for if or when a child refuses to obey a safety rule, or submit to an alternative form of discipline. A red mark on your child could result in your arrest. Some parents have seen videos of themselves on the news, hitting their child. If you find yourself losing control, give yourself as well as your child a time out, if possible.
7) One book I like is, "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours." by DR. Kevin Leman. I'd sometimes ask my child, "What do you think your discipline should be?" Sometimes they would pick something that was too harsh. So I'd help them pick something more appropriate to the crime. For time outs I believe one minute for every year the child is old is recommended. So a five year old would get a five minute time out. Now a teenage might need to week or even a month, etc., without the car keys, etc. Remember a child has feelings. So if they need to cry please let them go be by themselves for a few minutes to cry. Afterwards hug them and tell them you love them. Even teens need love. Perhaps a touch if they don't want a hug, and an "I love you."
8) What should I do if my child (teenager most likely) says, "I hate you!" Say, "That's okay, I love you!" Be prepared, as there is a good chance they will say that or words to that effect one day. Please forgive them. They are going through a lot of changes in their life. They are trying to figure things out and they are a little or even a lot crazy. Ha! Ha! In time they will mellow out. So you be the mature calm adult. Remember its about the long term relationship. I've always told my kids, "Let's forget about the bad things, and remember the good things." I also often tell them, "I love you."
9) What should I do if my unmarried daughter says, "I'm pregnant." I suggest you immediately give her a hug and hold her and tell her you love her. Later you can talk about other things.
10) What should I do if my unmarried son says, "I got my girlfriend pregnant." I think I'd say, "So your going to be a father. How are you going to provide for your child?" I'm just being honest and practical.
11) I highly recommend Gary Smalley's books. He helped me understand the four basic personalties types. Some individuals are born as In Charge Bosses. There are also Serious Worker Bees, Funny Relax Enjoy Life types, and Born Counselors/Helpers. Some of those words are mine. But Gary helped me realize I needed to stop trying to make my unique gifted kids into the personality type I was.
12) What about vaccinations? I personally believe there is something in the vaccinations that is causing the epidemic in autism. One Almish community who did not vaccinate had no non-vaccinated kids with autism. I believe something in the vaccine preparation is crossing the brain blood barrier and causing autism. I also believe vaccines seem to be harming our immune systems by perhaps altering the 100 trillion good bacteria in our digestive tract. I am especially against vaccinating new born infants and I'm against multiple vaccinations. I'm not necessarily against all vaccinations. Here are sites with more information on vaccinations. The U.S. Vaccine Court. Or The National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. vaxtruth.org 30 scientific studies showing the link between vaccines and autism. Vaccine risk awareness. 50 reasons. See Vaccine violence.com Vaccines cause autism.html. The canary party.org As of now, if a person is bitten by an animal that has rabies that person must get a rabies vaccination within 24 hours or they will die.
13) My two kids were less than two years apart so I started decision week. Decision week rotated between them. When it was child X's decision week they got to decide which allowable TV program to watch, which allowable seat or chair to sit in, which toy to play with, etc. Sometimes they would start to argue over something and I'd ask them, "Who's decision week is it?" That would be the end of the argueing as that child got to make the decision.
14) Spend time with your kids. Go to the park with them. Go bicycling, walking, running, playing basketball, soccer, dodge ball (head shots are a no, no), swimming, rollerskating, iceskating, etc. We use to take turns deciding what we were going to do as a family. Also try to spend a few minutes a week alone with each child. Perhaps a walk together, just the two of you. Other things you can do with your kids are cooking, cleaning, clothes washing, repairing vehicles and things around the house. With you watching, let them hit the nail, turn the screw, make the cake, wash and dry the dishes, put the clothes and detergent in the washer, etc. How else are they going to learn? Praise them for the part of it they get right. I've read they should get at least ten praises for every correction. Try to not be too critical. There is a time to correct but its not all the time.
15) I suggest you have weekly family devotions with your kids. When they get older, they can take turns deciding on the devotion and leading it. Some families have a short daily devotion. Listen to your kids. Do they like or dislike the devotions? Be willing to make changes to the type, length, frequency, etc., of your family devotions. Encourage your kids to have their own private devotions.
16) When your kids get older they may reject your faith and your morals. Regardless, respect them, love them and tell them you love them. However, insist they obey the house rules when they are in the house. It is your house not theirs. They may be bigger and stronger then you but as the homeowner you can still dial 911. Don't get in a physical fight with your perhaps bigger and stronger teen or you may find yourself in jail or the hospital or even morgue. If necessary retreat and call 911. The cops will try to help defuse the situation and if necessary remove the out of control person - that being the teenager and not you hopefully. You might want to check with others to see if your house rules are reasonable considering the age and status of your children.
17) Know when its time to let them go and even to push them out of the nest. You can always seek advice from several older mature Christians and counselors you respect. No matter what religion or morals your kids adopt, always treat them with love and respect. Tell them you love them and pray for them daily.
18) What should you do if your teenager tells you by word or deed they plan on becoming or are sexually active despite what you've taught them. I suggest you keep your cool and calmly talk to them. Don't accuse them just ask. If they confirm your suspections tell them you'd like to take them to their medical doctor so the doctor can help them get the best protection they can against unwanted pregnancy and STD's. Actually, I think you should talk to them about this possibility before they become a teen. I know of one case where the daughter was not allowed to leave the yard because the parents were afraid she might get pregnant. She tried to commit suicide. I read of another case where the parents wouldn't let their daughter leave the house unsupervised at all. She purposely snuck out at night and got pregnant just to show her parents they didn't absolutely control her or her body. I know, both girls made bad decisions. But thats teenagers for you. Sometimes their great and sometimes their crazy! So please be willing to adapt, compromise, listen, and love them. With God's help you will manage to get them through the sometimes crazy teenage years.
19) Kids have been known to sneak in and out of the house at all hours of the day or night. Parents have shot and killed their child who they thought was a robber. Never point a gun at anyone or anything you don't intend to shoot. Remember every gun, even the gun you just emptied is loaded. Don't shoot anyone or anything you can't clearly see. Shooting someone should be a last resort to protect your life or someone else's life from death or grave bodily harm. Children will find any gun you've hidden anyplace in the house and likely play with it. If you have a gun please keep it locked up or on your person as legally allowed. Hot headed teenagers have been known to steal their parent's gun and commit crimes.
20) What should I do if my child or grandchild tells me their gay? First, I'd hug them and tell them I love them and I'll always love them. Then I'd sit down and calmly tell them just as I believe fornication and adultry are sinful because of what the Bible says I also believe homosexual behavior is sinful because of what the Bible says. I'd tell them when we have desires the Bible says are sinful I believe we should ask God to replace those desires with desires God approves of. I would then assure them that God loves them regardless and I do too. John 3:16. 1st John 4:19. But sin regardless of the type does have consequences. Romans 3:23 and Romans 6:23. James 1:12-15. 2nd Corinthians 5:17.
21) Assure your children that God loves them and He wants a relationship with them. Jesus wants to be their savior and their lord or King. Tell them after they die they will appear before God for a Judgement or life review. They may may quickly see their life from birth to death. They may see not only their actions, thoughts and feelings but also experience how their words and actions affected others. God may well ask them, "What did you do for me? Did you tell others about me? Did you read my word? Did you spend time with me? Did you help others? If they are trusting in Jesus as their savior and King they will certainly be saved but its quite probable the amount of rewards they have in heaven will depend of how their life review goes. Do they want to feel they wasted their life and end up in a storage type shed with other nominal believers or do they want to hear the "well done" of Jesus and and live in a nice mansion with lots of freedom in heaven?
By the way, Copyrighted by Wayne Mckellips 2016. You may not copy or mirror this article. Last updated 10/26/2016.
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